


dim as an ember

by drunknpylades



Series: edge of memory [7]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, M/M, Memory Loss, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 09:58:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13808811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunknpylades/pseuds/drunknpylades
Summary: It all comes apart.





	dim as an ember

**Author's Note:**

> Edge is not having a good day. If you have problems with someone else having what basically amounts to a panic attack please skip the last little bit. keep yourself safe

It’s a day just like any other on the Tower when everything Edge has built for himself, put together and made his home, starts to tumble down around his ears. Of course, he doesn’t know that yet. But then again, he should have seen it coming.

Cayde had waylaid him outside the Tower’s post office, voice calling out to him and tugging his body to a stop as sure as a hand on his shoulder.

“Going my way, Guardian?”

Edge feels a smile pull at the corner of his mouth as he turns toward the Vanguard. “Was actually just on my way down to talk to Amanda about my Sparrow. Feeling a little heavy on the left side.”

“Amanda knows her trade,” Cayde says, nodding like he knows what he’s talking about. He may come around to watch Edge tinker on his ship from time to time but it’s a rare occasion that the Exo is actually helpful. “Hope you don’t mind if I tag along. I’ve got a date with a couple Guardians that have been locating some of my old junk for me.”

Edge nods his head and starts to reply when a familiar transmat catches his eye. Ever since he and Cayde had their little revelation the other day they’ve been lucky. Both Candace and Val have been away from the Tower since Edge’s previous knowledge came to light along with Cayde’s biggest and closest kept secret. It seems their luck has run out.

Candace lands hard after she transmats in, there’s no stumble to her step but Edge can tell even at this distance that something has rattled her. There’s a tightness to her eyes that’s not normal for the other Hunter. She looks in their direction and Edge knows exactly what’s happened in the brief moment he sees her over Cayde’s shoulder. She knows.

It takes quite a bit of effort to not make any indication that he’s seen her. Edge forces his body to relax. Tries to calm the quickening of his heart by sheer force of will even when it rattles his ribs with every beat.

Something on his face must give him away, or maybe Cayde is just that much more observant after their last mishap. Either way, the Exo picks up on Edge’s discomfort and turns to see what’s caught his attention. That damned stillness that Edge is coming to despise takes hold of Cayde again and it takes the Vanguard less than a second to turn back around. The only saving grace of the moment is that Candace has already turned and bolted toward the hangar.

Edge can’t see Cayde’s face but he sees the minute movement of the Hunter’s hood as he turns to watch Candace’s retreat. Silence sits heavily between them and Edge feels so many words clambering behind his teeth. Unfortunately he doesn’t know how to say any of them.

“She looked off, right?” Cayde’s voice sounds just as wrong as Candace’s eyes had been. “That’s not just me projecting or something?” He turns back to Edge and there’s something in the way he’s holding himself. Something strung tight where Cayde is usually so loose.

Edge crosses his arms over his chest and tries to project a calm that he doesn’t actually feel. He doesn’t want to get involved in something that’s not really any of his business, but there’s a thing behind his ribs that keeps tugging him forward. Reaching out for Cayde and wanting so badly to make all this alright again. His silence already damned him once and he and the Exo still aren’t back to how they were before. They haven’t actually talked about what happened at all and Edge has the constant feeling of being on uneven footing.

“She did seem to be in a hurry, wherever she was going.” He’s not going to pry or lead into anything just yet. Cayde’s made it quite clear that he doesn’t want to face this just yet and Edge is going to respect that decision. For now.

Cayde’s mouth blinks in and out, something Edge has learned means the Exo is having a hard time finding words. It doesn’t happen often and thankfully the moment is broken by yet another familiar face.

“Hey. Have you guys seen Candace around at all?” Lisbeth looks harried as she approaches them from the transmat zone.

Edge watches with a sinking in his gut as Cayde straightens himself up and becomes the Vanguard again. That loose curl to his shoulders returns but it’s forced. Something Edge is going to have to work out of him later. He’s not going to get anything else deeper than snark and sarcastic distractions out him for hours.

“She dropped back in not long back,” Cayde replied, “She was a bit flustered though. Seemed to take one look at something and then turned tail and bolted for the hangar. Is she ok?”

“She was fine while we were hunting your stashes in the EDZ, then she just freaked out and came right back here without telling me why. I’ve gotta go check on her.” Lisbeth sighs and starts heading for the hangar before she’s even finished the sentence. “Thanks for letting me know where she went.” And like that she’s gone.

That frozen set to Cayde’s spine is back and Edge finds himself reaching out with no thought or care to where they are. As much as they’ve wanted to keep this thing between them away from prying eyes, Edge’s patience is fraying. And he can see the veneer that Cayde tries to put up starting to crack.

Edge puts one hand on Cayde’s shoulder and starts to tug him away from the more open area. “Cayde, c’mon. We can talk about it over here.”

“She found one,” Cayde mutters. “I thought I’d gotten them all but she found one.” His voice is rising and Edge hurries his step, pulling the unresisting Exo along with him until Edge can pin him against the wall of the alcove behind the Cryptarchy. There’s only one civilian going over some kind of schematic and they beat a hasty retreat when Edge flashes the cruelest look he as at them.

Once he’s absolutely sure they’re far enough in the shadows that they won’t be immediately noticed he puts both hands on Cayde’s shoulders and leans in hard. “Cayde.” He’s not a man of many words but he knows that when he puts that tone in his voice that the Exo listens.

Cayde’s eyes blink out for several seconds before they blaze back almost brighter than before. “I’m here, I’m awake. I’m good.” Cayde’s voice is almost back to normal but there’s still the brittleness to it that makes Edge ache. “Everything’s fine.”

Edge pulls away, letting his hands drift down along Cayde’s arms before he takes a step back. He’s still not sure exactly where he stands on the subject of them and he doesn’t want to add his own insecurities to the problems the other is already dealing with. If they’re meant to weather this then they will.

“Cayde,” It seems like all he can ever say anymore is the Exo’s name. “You’re going to have to talk to her eventually.”

Cayde crosses and uncrosses his arms twice before finally settling them across his chest. “Yeah, sure I’ll just walk up, ‘Hi there Ace! I know we’ve been cool for a while now but guess what? I’m your dad from like a hundred years ago and abandoned you and your mom to become a cool robot. Glad you’re not dead too and you got pulled into this struggle for Earth thing. We should do dinner sometime!’ she’ll love it.” He thunks his head back against the wall. “What the hell would I even say to her?”

Edge makes an aborted move to reach out but inevitably keeps his hands at his sides. “I don’t know, but you have to say something.” He replies. “This is tearing you up and from the look of it she’s going to need you too.” There’s nothing in him that could even imagine what the two of them are going through. His grasp of emotions has always been a little lackluster but Edge knows what they look like on other people and Cayde and Ace are going to need each other before this is over.

“Little late, aren’t I?” Cayde asks. He tips his head back and looks up at the fabric of the ceiling, collapsing a little bit further into the wall. “What’s she need me for when I already left her once?”

Edge clenches his jaw so hard he can hear his own teeth grinding together. “Then don’t abandon her again.”

“Look, I appreciate the advice and all but stop helping. She’s not your kid.” Cayde still has his head tipped back, his eyes looking everywhere but at Edge.

The words are like ice in his veins and Edge takes an involuntary step back. Realistically he’d known that if Ace’s history came to light that it was unlikely he’d be a part of that. But hearing it out loud is another thing entirely. Something like a memory stirs in the back of his mind. A hulking presence rising up out of the dark place he’s locked his past in. He’d been a part of a family once too, he knows it. He sees smiling blue eyes and his hands start to shake. He feels soft hair against his cheek, under his fingers and his eyes close. There’s a voice in his ears, saying something important, something he needs to hear and for the first time since the first time he reaches for it.

 

_“Is that what you’re going to wear to meet my parents? Really?”_  


_He doesn’t even have to turn around to know that she’s laughing at him._  


_“What wrong with it? Do I not look alright?” He looks down at himself in the full mirror and frowns. Everything seems to be in place._  


_Her chin settles over his shoulder, her hair soft against his cheek and the side of his neck. “You look edible as always and you know it,” she replies. “But I think your dress blues might be pushing it just a little. My dad already thinks you’re a little too straightlaced for our crazy family.”_  


_Thin arms wrap themselves around his waist and he feels himself lean back into them. She’s always been his voice of reason. His rock._  


_“If you think I should change, I can change.” he says. “But it’s going to take me longer to get out of this. We might be late.”_  


_She muffles a giggle against the skin of his neck and it sends a happy warmth through him. He’s never going to let this go. “You are a menace, -----, and I don’t know why I’m going to marry you.”_  


_Warmth spreads across his nose and he knows he’s blushing. “You don’t have to, you know. I’m sure there’s plenty more suitable men to bring home. More rambunctious and less rule abiding than I am at any rate.”_  


_She presses up on her tiptoes and kisses the corner of his mouth. She smells like sunflowers. “I know I don’t have to, but I’m gonna do it anyway.” She drops back down flat on her feet and swats him on the behind before heading back into the kitchen. “Now come on before I’m forced to help you out of that getup. Then we really will be late.”_  


_Fondness fills him up so full he feels it might run over at the edges and spill out of him._  


_“You’re too good to me, Sarah.”_  


_“I know!” She calls back. “What would you do without me?”_  


_He chuckles and runs a hand through his short hair to push it into something more presentable. “I don’t know, probably die.”_

 

Edge come back to himself with a forgotten name on his lips and dirt under his knees. Cetus’ voice is a constant stream of nothing in his ear and somewhere close by someone is doing a terrible job of trying to muffle their crying. His head feels like someone has pumped it full of acid and there’s a tremor in his muscles that feels like he touched a livewire. This is why he doesn’t- what had he been doing?

He’d been on the Tower with Cayde when-

“Cetus,” He clears his throat and tries again when the words stick like molasses in his throat. “Cetus where are we?”

The Ghost settles over his shoulder and speaks softly. “We’re on the Farm.” He answers. “It was the closest place I could take us where I knew you’d be safe.”

“Safe?” Why would he need to be taken somewhere safe. Everything aches when he pushes himself up to sit back on his heels. There’s salt in the air and a sudden silence that hadn’t been there before. His face itches.

The pieces slot into place and something like shame opens up inside him. A black pit yawning wider and wider as Edge puts the facts together to make one final damning picture.

He was the one that had been making that pitiable sound. The dryness on his face is tears. He’d broken down in front of Cayde and Cetus had whisked him away to the woods outside the Farm. He fucked it all up.

It’s a known fact that Guardians have issues with memory. Some have memories of their past and some don’t. Some have fractured bits of nothing and others get clear snapshots. None of them let it bother them. None of them let it whittle them down into a frayed sobbing mess in front of their Vanguard. Who happens to be the man they’re in love with.

Darkness creeps into the fringes of his vision and Edge throws out an arm to stop himself from toppling over into the dirt. No wonder Cayde doesn’t want him in his family. Edge is broken.  


Cetus nudges against his forehead and the feeling of cool metal on his skin almost makes it worse. He reaches up and pulls the Ghost against his chest and sits back, crossing his legs in front of him.

“Thank you,” he says quietly. “For getting me out of there.”

Cetus chirps at him and replies just as quietly, “Cayde-6 seemed quite upset when you fell, but I knew you’d want to be out here. You’ve never wanted him to see you when you’re hurt.”

And he was hurt. Something inside him broken irreparably into more pieces than he can gather on his own. The face in his mind that had been so clear before has vanished behind a smudge like charcoal on paper. All that remains is blue and the smell of sunflowers. Maybe it’s time he took a vacation. Cayde can sort his family out in his own time.

**Author's Note:**

> And there you have it. The first hiccup in this little romance has occurred. I've got everything already written up to fix this little issue, but I'll give whoever's still reading this some time to take it all in. Hang in there Guardians!


End file.
